Marital Therapy Not Working?

We have all heard "It takes two to tango..." Marital therapy will work if you BOTH are taking good looks at yourselves, and coming together with respect and understanding and learning what works best for your relationship and marriage. And then applying those "tools" together.

However, I recently learned something that might be of benefit to you.

When therapists get their degree or become certified, they become certified as a general therapist. Anything marital related comes from extra curricular classes and education on their own time. So, something that might be beneficial to you before you get involved with someone that says they specialize in marital therapy, is what their training has been with it, what their success rate is with it, what is their approach with marital therapy and so on. Otherwise you might be getting into a therapy session that isn't going to really pan out very well.

Which then brings me to some types of therapy simply does not work well with some couples, not because you are failures at your marriage, but because we all jive with different types of therapy, some better than others. Perhaps the therapist that has adequate knowledge about different types would be of benefit to you, simply because if there is only one type that he or she teaches and it doesn't jive with you or your spouse, you'll feel like your marriage is in a worse spot, and the likelihood of you seeking out another therapist is more slim. The idea behind that is, if this therapist didn't work for us, then why try again?

Try again. Be patient with one another, and with yourself. Change does not happen over night. Be educated on who you are actually going to. Get referrals from other couples who have had positive experiences.


Having been married before, having gone through marital therapy more than once before, and even recently, my most positive experience has been with EFT (Emotional Focused Therapy). It has given new hope, understanding, new insights, a different, yet positive "dance" rather than the negative "dance" many couples get into with communicating feelings to one another, as well as the overall feel of the entire relationship/marriage.

Execute the tools that have been given to you and you will be able to come out with flying colors! Remember love is a choice. You can choose to have the marriage that you would like to have!