Mutual Respect

Marriage is a partnership that must be built on mutual respect. That’s a basic building block of any relationship. Two are better than one, the Bible says. But when one makes all the decisions alone, the value of two minds is wasted." - The Agape Connection

Marriage is not a destination

"Marriage is not a destination; it takes work every day. Every day we will face things in our marriages that we did not anticipate. We are called to fight what is wrong and give ourselves to what is right. We are called to love each other in practical and specific ways. We must live a constant “God-awareness,” and look at situations through God’s eyes. We need to demonstrate our love for our spouses in practical, daily, concrete, tangible, noticeable ways." -- The Agape Connection

Forgiveness

"I’m often asked, “But what if my spouse isn’t willing to forgive me?” That is not your problem. Your responsibility is to admit your mistake and ask forgiveness. You have not taken the first step until you have confessed your own failures. Then your spouse has a choice: to forgive or not to forgive. At any rate, your conscience is clear, and you can now ask God to help you be a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem." -- The Agape Connection

Attitude of Service

"Submission does not mean that the wife must do all the giving. The husband is to give his life for her. Nor does it mean that she cannot express her ideas. The goal of Paul’s instructions is unity, which requires both to have an attitude of service." -- The Agape Connection on FB

Making the Effort

"Procrastination hurts people -- Laziness prevents us from being loving. Love requires commitment, energy, and work. A lot of people just don't want to work at being loving; it's easier to be lazy. Many marriages break up because one spouse -- perhaps both spouses - are unwilling to make the effort necessary to save the marriage." -- The Agape Connection

 This is true, very, very true. 

So, what if you DO go to marital therapy? You still have to ACT on the "TOOLS" that your therapist gives you to work through each and every day for your marriage. It can sometimes be very difficult to get into a new motion of not being "lazy" and to have commitment towards your spouse. But, do you like where you are at right now? The not doing anything about it, bad feelings towards each other, disconnection, lack of feeling loved etc. Do you like where things are going? 

 STOP and do whatever you need to to change your attitude - an attitude of "I care about my spouse, I want her/him to be happy, yes we need to work through some issues, but holding onto and keeping a dark cloud overhead isn't helping myself or the feeling within our household or marriage. Seek out what you do love about your spouse -because the more you look at the things that bother you the more you're going to go on the downward spiral. And the more you look at every little positive thing, and acknowledge those positive things, the better you will feel and will help your marriage get out of a rut. How about you look at what your spouse needs from you? Instead of what you think he/she needs and do it with love. Choose to love - CHOOSE, because LOVE IS a CHOICE. Strengthen yourself individually, but work at strengthening your marriage. 

I find that even through therapy, there are some insights that you may have never thought of or thought of in that way, that do help you pick up your feet and want to move forward. Marriage is hard work, but worth it - you want to be happy right? Then work at it, stop procrastinating, and DO. 

Stop pointing fingers. Stop trying to be "right". Stop arguing and start learning what is best for you and your spouse to have effective communication. Remember that you both perceive things differently, have different feelings - but can come to understand where the other person is coming from, don't downgrade their feelings. Remember that "The Joneses" marriage doesn't mean that you have to be a carbon copy - that every marriage is what is best for you and your spouse, there are no carbon copies. Figure out what your expectations have been, are, and what your goals are individually and what you'd like to see in your marriage. Be reasonable. Care about the other person. Stop mumbling, stop rolling your eyes, stop giving the silent treatment or do a guessing game of what the other is feeling or thinking. LISTEN and listen without coming up with your comeback, because you are not listening if you are doing that. LISTEN and learn to understand, CLARIFY what you hear so there are no misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt feelings. Work through hurt that has been caused in the past that is hurting your here and now and the future. Remember healing takes time and you can help one another through it. 

PRACTICE makes perfect. Learning new techniques do not happen over night. Be patient with one another. But LEARN what you need to in order to move forward in your marriage. Don't stay at a standstill, because the more you do, the more apart you become emotionally and the easier it is to just throw in the towel. Marriage is worth fighting for. Divorce sucks for so many reasons. Do everything you can to fight for it, and fight for it in the right ways.

Remember the things that you loved about that person before you married them. Do those things that made you feel giddy back in the day. Find other things that bring you closer together. The best advice we received from a therapist is 3 points :: 

1. Focus on Spiritual Strength in Relationship weekly.

2. Focus on Emotional & Mental Commitment to each other weekly.

3. Focus on Physical Activity with each other (couple time) regularly (weekly).

 This overall makes or breaks the marriage - if you aren't doing these things - your marriage will break. Don't let that happen!

Marriages Dissolve Because...

"Many marriages dissolve because couples don't spend time or resources learning how to be successfully married."

--The Agape Connection

A Healthy Marriage

I have been given permission from The Agape Connection on Facebook to quote their quotes here. So from time to time I'll be doing just that. I often share their quotes onto my own wall on Facebook, and want to do the same here. Here it goes ::

"A healthy marriage is one in which you go through the stages of self-discovery and learn to identify your healthy and less-than-healthy expectations. Then you choose to take personal responsibility for your actions and reactions. Finally, you make the commitment to honor the marriage and your spouse." -- The Agape Connection