Scheduling Marriage Into Your Day Planner

Really, this is some of the best advice!

If you don't schedule time to spend with your spouse, and that can be on all different levels (going out on a date, talking, watching a TV show together, intimacy, recreational activities etc.) it will just generally never happen. A little planning can go a long way. Sure, there can be spare of the moment moments and those are great! But if you are not a spare of the moment couple or one of you isn't, then it isn't going to keep your marriage going. If you aren't spending time with your spouse, if you are not doing what you need to be doing to keep this part of the marriage relationship alive and well, then the next best thing is to sit down together on a monthly basis, if not more and just schedule time in to spend together. If it sounds odd, give it a whirl for a few months and see how it goes, see if you see any improvements in your marriage - hey, it can't hurt right?!

Direct Emotion, the Why's, the Affects of Divorce

I came across an article today that is written very well with the direct and right emotion of divorce, and why not to get a divorce, and what you are faced with if you do; and not just the divorce itself, but what and how it affects others (namely your own kids)... and the latter part of what divorce can mean if you start getting involved and the craziness dating entails after you've dealt with what became a bad relationship, to what blended and/or stepfamilies deal with the majority of the time (though I will say the bumps can be less bumpy if you and your spouse actually come together as "one" not only within your marriage, but within blended families or step families.)

Of course she does note the same thing I am going to note - if you are in a abusive relationship, this does not apply to you.

I recommend this article. The only thing I do not like about it is the "beep, beep" swearing bits in the article. Other than that, it hits everything to the "T". I can see this from the points of view of where I have been in my own life, to what I deal with in the here and now of stepfamily life.


Wasbands And Wives: Seven Reasons To Stay Married 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, marriage is worth every ounce of effort and worth "fighting" for (not literal fighting of course). There are so many resources to help you individually, to help you and your spouse - there is no excuse to just throw in the towel (again, unless there is any kind of abuse going on). No one is perfect in marriage, no one is perfect period. Our knight and shining armor is the guy or gal that is standing right in front of you, the one you married. Even if your marriage is feeling hopeless, feeling like you're hanging on by a thread. Now go make your happily ever after be what works for the both of you... Stop trying to make your marriage as your best friend's, or your neighbors aka the Joneses. Do whatever it is that makes you and your spouse tick, do whatever it is that helps you grow individually (as that is important to keep yourself intact and not lose yourself), as well as doing what helps your relationship and marriage become stronger. There is a way, even if there is little will.

Finding Balance

I felt like I needed to add a little side note here off of the "Living Your Marriage Like the Joneses?"

While I think it is important not to do this - trying to live your marriage like the Joneses, it is important to figure out what works for you and your spouse, what is it that makes both of you tick together? What is it that makes things smooth or rather less bumpy? You may like something that someone else is doing in their marriage, but if it isn't right for your marriage, that is okay!

A simple suggestion that came to me at some point in time, was that part of that balance need to incorporate spiritual (whatever that may be to you), recreational, educational, etc. within not only the marriage itself, but as an individual. And not only in our marriage and individual welfare, but within the family. It is always a work in progress, but that is the foundation of finding balance; by incorporating all of those aspects into marriage and family.

If you are having trouble with it, look up some books that might set your foot on the right path. One of my favorite books for finding balance is  "Lifebalance" by Linda & Richard Eyre. Perhaps therapy would go a long way with this one or a marriage seminar or retreat! All good things to help our marriages succeed; to give us the extra boost, to enhance!

Living Your Marriage Like the Joneses?

We've all heard the term "keeping up with the Joneses" --- but have you ever thought about how that applies to you in your marriage?

This study comes out with what is healthy in the dating within marriage... This other study comes out with what is healthy intimacy-wise... And it goes on and on.

No marriage is the same as the Joneses next door. Just because they are dating this many times every week/month or their intimacy is more or less than what you are doing in your marriage doesn't mean that you or they are wrong and the other is more right. Every couple, every marriage is different; it is what best fits for you and your spouse.

I think that the media and studies can add the pressure of what you're doing right or wrong in your marriages; and yet make one think that something is terribly wrong with your marriage or your spouse even, when if you take a step back from what that study said is "normal" - you may just see that what is best for you and your spouse is completely fine, completely content, completely ideal to your situation, your love languages... essentially the way you "tango" in every aspect of your marriage is absolutely just fine. Of course we all could use room for improvement, and marriage is always a work in progress. But just because the Joneses are doing something totally opposite to what you may be doing in your marriage, doesn't make your marriage a failure, it doesn't make your marriage bad, or crippled or make it out to be wrong. Everyone does it differently, for various reasons, namely because your ideal marriage is different from someone else.

I think once people get their marriages out of the Joneses book, they might just see what is normal for them and be able to emphasize more on what they are doing right, what they need to be doing, and move forward rather than blame this or that and compare to the studies or what the Joneses might be doing.

So, what can you do to create what is right in your marriage?